Content Warning for self-harm. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, thoughts of self-harm, or other emotional distress, please call the 988 crisis line for support.

 

Somedays It feels crazy, to want to be alive

Like all around me is the smell of death

As if God looks down on me as an ordinary man

And says his gift was for me to be God

I choose who lives and dies

I choose who will never step home

 

 I Once killed a man

It was the first day I ever cried to god

I scream take me home, Take me…home

He doesn’t listen, I’m sent back barely alive

To go find another man that “needs” to die

My soul seems to be near death

 

Today We learned our friend was put to death

That his mom was told he was no longer alive

That he is to see God

I’m jealous, another man gets the chance to die

Why Can’t I Be That Man?

Why can’t I go home?

 

Today I will get the chance to see God

A hole in my chest means I am to die!

God tells me I get to go home

That my new home is for me to feel alive

I ask about mom, But God says no worries, the end isn’t death

That she will see me again but a better man

 

Today I finally made it home

A folded flag, a tombstone that reads “A Great Man”

But I wasn’t A great man, Was I, God?

The preacher says warriors always die

But in these rows, He’s with His brothers, even in Death

I’m jealous, another man gets the chance to be alive

————

Somedays It feels crazy, to want to be alive

Like all around me is the smell of death

As if god looks down on me as an ordinary man

And says his gift was for me to be God

I choose who lives and dies

I choose who will never step home

 

I often dream of my simple home

A place where no men have to die

A place where there is a peaceful and kind God

I wonder if my dad wanted me to be this kind of man

The kinda man that waits on death

But will never feel alive