She stands in the sun
Proudly displaying her branches and leaves
But one of her branches is sick
It has to be cut off so she can live

 We cut off the sick branch
And as if by a miracle
She has grown her remaining branches
In the space the sick branch used to be

It seems as though she knew
Something was missing
So she fixed the space
Where the brokenness had been

I am neurodivergent
In about 3 different ways
I have Dyscalculia
Along with Depression
And PTSD

 Like the baby tree
who stands in my backyard
My brain knew it was different
In one area
So it filled the empty space
Where the brokenness had been 

 Letters and words
Are easy to control
They stand still
Waiting patiently
For me to put them in order
To create a story
A poem
A play
My mind weaves words together
In a manner that mimics magic

 But my mind tricks me
When my eyes see numbers
They transpose and move
Switching places
Like dancers practicing
Choreography

 I wish I were the choreographer
For numbers
The way I am for letters
But numbers don’t listen to me
Instead they fly all over
My mind
Like fireflies refusing
To be caught on a warm
Summer’s eve

I did not decide
To be this way
People look at me
And see visible ability
They can’t see my
Invisible disabilities
So I am judged the same way
neurotypical people are

 My learning disability
And depression
kept me from
Finishing my college degree
For an entire decade
Strike that:
The expectations
set forth by a society
that assumes everyone
is the same
has kept me
from accomplishing
my dreams
But I have accepted
That I have to jump
Through the hoops
Set before me
So I can reach the point
Where I can make changes
For others who struggle
The way I have

 Not all people learn
In the same way
Not all trees grow
In the same way
Today I am 31
Starting over at the place
Society says
I should have started at 21

 I’m not ashamed
to be neurodivergent
I’m proud to be different
But I wish the world
Were more accepting
Of different kinds 
Of people
Especially those  
Who cannot
Fit the mold society
Forces on us

 I don’t blame the baby tree
In my backyard
For one of her branches
Being absent
I am in awe
Of how she kept going
And growing
Reaching into the sky
Refusing to let go of life
Even after she lost a branch

 I have blamed myself
My entire life
Because I could not
Understand math
Or science
Or learn directions
Or remember numbers
Or keep track of time 
Or stay on task 
Or accomplish everything 
Everyone around me
Seemed to be accomplishing

 I was surviving 
While others were thriving
Now I am finally in a place 
Where I am free to explore 
Who I am 
Because I now know 
Why I am 
The way I am 
And I am beginning 
To thrive 

 I wish I were as proud 
Of myself 
As I am 
Of the baby tree 
In my backyard
She keeps on living
And taking up space
She goes on existing
She is not ashamed 
Of her difference
She keeps her focus
On the sun above
This baby tree is whole 
She is not broken 
She never truly was

 And the sun shines down on her
Blessing her leaves
Proudly providing
This life giving substance
Sunlight
The sun is proud of her
I wish I were my own sunlight

 I am my own sunlight

Biography: I have been attending Aims since 2011 after I graduated from high school. Depression and other struggles with mental health held me back from finishing at Aims, but this semester I will finally be graduating! It has been a long, harrowing journey to get to this point. I wrote about my struggles with my learning disability and being neurodivergent because it is something I have struggled with my whole life. I wasn’t diagnosed with Dyscalculia, the math version of Dyslexia until last spring at 31 years old. I was not able to pass math and science in order to graduate until I was diagnosed and given accommodations by my professors and DAS at Aims. I am so thankful to finally know why I am the way I am and I don’t want other people to suffer the way I have. Most people have never heard of Dyscalculia but it is as common as Dyslexia. I want to pave the way for other neurodivergent people by making accommodations more accessible. I have always known that my calling is to be a writer and I am so excited to graduate from Aims and transfer to UNC this fall to major in Writing, Editing and Publishing. My favorite author is Jenny Lawson, she has inspired me by being a neurodivergent writer who is relatable, talented and hilarious. As a writer, I also love inspiring others while weaving honesty, vulnerability, sarcasm and humor into my craft.