She stands in the sun
Proudly displaying her branches and leaves
But one of her branches is sick
It has to be cut off so she can live
We cut off the sick branch
And as if by a miracle
She has grown her remaining branches
In the space the sick branch used to be
It seems as though she knew
Something was missing
So she fixed the space
Where the brokenness had been
I am neurodivergent
In about 3 different ways
I have Dyscalculia
Along with Depression
And PTSD
Like the baby tree
who stands in my backyard
My brain knew it was different
In one area
So it filled the empty space
Where the brokenness had been
Letters and words
Are easy to control
They stand still
Waiting patiently
For me to put them in order
To create a story
A poem
A play
My mind weaves words together
In a manner that mimics magic
But my mind tricks me
When my eyes see numbers
They transpose and move
Switching places
Like dancers practicing
Choreography
I wish I were the choreographer
For numbers
The way I am for letters
But numbers don’t listen to me
Instead they fly all over
My mind
Like fireflies refusing
To be caught on a warm
Summer’s eve
I did not decide
To be this way
People look at me
And see visible ability
They can’t see my
Invisible disabilities
So I am judged the same way
neurotypical people are
My learning disability
And depression
kept me from
Finishing my college degree
For an entire decade
Strike that:
The expectations
set forth by a society
that assumes everyone
is the same
has kept me
from accomplishing
my dreams
But I have accepted
That I have to jump
Through the hoops
Set before me
So I can reach the point
Where I can make changes
For others who struggle
The way I have
Not all people learn
In the same way
Not all trees grow
In the same way
Today I am 31
Starting over at the place
Society says
I should have started at 21
I’m not ashamed
to be neurodivergent
I’m proud to be different
But I wish the world
Were more accepting
Of different kinds
Of people
Especially those
Who cannot
Fit the mold society
Forces on us
I don’t blame the baby tree
In my backyard
For one of her branches
Being absent
I am in awe
Of how she kept going
And growing
Reaching into the sky
Refusing to let go of life
Even after she lost a branch
I have blamed myself
My entire life
Because I could not
Understand math
Or science
Or learn directions
Or remember numbers
Or keep track of time
Or stay on task
Or accomplish everything
Everyone around me
Seemed to be accomplishing
I was surviving
While others were thriving
Now I am finally in a place
Where I am free to explore
Who I am
Because I now know
Why I am
The way I am
And I am beginning
To thrive
I wish I were as proud
Of myself
As I am
Of the baby tree
In my backyard
She keeps on living
And taking up space
She goes on existing
She is not ashamed
Of her difference
She keeps her focus
On the sun above
This baby tree is whole
She is not broken
She never truly was
And the sun shines down on her
Blessing her leaves
Proudly providing
This life giving substance
Sunlight
The sun is proud of her
I wish I were my own sunlight
I am my own sunlight