In this state of mind
A prison
Feeling trapped in any direction I go
Dreading what will come next
That’ll never let me sleep
Endless thoughts
Some call it overthinking
To me
An everyday routine
Some days it’s pianos and classical
Others it’s heavy metal and rock
Or neither
Seems it plays these thoughts whenever and however
like a broken radio
A radio that never turns off
Never changes
Most of the time I wish for silence
But it does what it wants
I wanna play what I want!
I cherish those tunes, times, that I can
I know my time is over when static comes
And my tunes travel into its tunes
the stations switch

When season changes, sometimes it’s worse
Winters the hardest
Cold, dingy, and tragic
Last winter I played Malcolm J. McCormick
But only when
Of course
I could
Wonder what it will be this winter
I ache at the thought of its approach
Not sure why
I get sad
Grow immensely
Spiritually and mentally
Can’t wait…
Until spring comes
And I’m
Able to take a breath
Look back at my previous channels
I learn, I’m still in here
In a new season but on repeat with new channels
Never knowing what will play next
Or constantly
Always eager yet disappointed
It’s not always my way
Because of ME