Archived: Spork by Taylor Pankewicz

The day was usual for Jerry. Be used at breakfast, set in the sink to soak, bath time, then back to bed. But this day was different. Today was the day he saw Sandra. Sandra the spoon, the most beautiful piece of silverware he had ever laid his eyes on. After breakfast the usual routine began: it was time to soak. Jerry was set in a soapy glass. He watched as Sandra scooped up the milk and put in a hard day’s work. She was finally done, and he knew what that meant—time to soak. Sandra was placed in a soapy bowl right below Jerry. Finally, Jerry worked up the nerve to say hello and from there the rest was history. It was love at first clink. Each day they shared their routine; they did everything together. One time they even helped service the same meal, spaghetti. It was one of their greatest achievements as a couple. That was until they found out Sandra was pregnant… with twins. All those rounds in the bathtub wore the two of them out and now they had babies on the way. The night after Jerry found out he could barely sleep: how was he supposed to know if his children would be spoons or forks? How could he possibly know how to raise them to do their jobs, to teach them the ways of the world? The months went on and Sandra began to bend. The humans thought about throwing her away many times but decided that she had sentimental value to them as she was a family heirloom and all. The due date came, and Jerry was so ready, except he wasn’t. He was not ready for what he was about to witness. Jerry and Sandra decided on a water birth, but what came out was unexpected.

Later that day…

*Opens dishwasher*

“Okay, who the hell bought two sporks?”