Archived: Roman by Madison Schneider

Hi, it’s me, Vinny. I know that you didn’t answer because you don’t recognize the number, and you never pick up when you don’t know the number. And the reason you don’t know the number is because I’ve never called. Gosh, I’m rambling and embarrassing myself.

Maybe I should stick to writing letters or constantly checking to see if you messaged me, or maybe I should just hang up this call and never speak to you again. 

Um… I have some things to tell you, and I don’t know if I should. It might ruin everything between us and between me and Klara. But I have to say it.

I fell in love with you before I even met you. Wow, now I sound like a stalker. What I mean is that the first time I saw you, before you even opened your mouth, before I even knew your name, I knew that I loved you. Remember? It was the day before English camp, when we were all supposed to get to know each other. I woke up late and threw on a hat, no makeup, and I felt so insecure. Especially when I saw you walk into the room.

This beautiful man walks in, and I am sitting there, looking like I just rolled out of bed, and my only thought is that you would never even look at me. And then you did. You introduced yourself, and I am pretty sure I was a stuttering mess, but then you said my name. I’d never heard my name sound so captivating before. It was like you were always meant to say my name, and I was always meant to make a fool of myself. Kind of like I am doing right now.

Anyway, I remember thinking, “there is no way that I have a chance with this guy.” I was surrounded by so many beautiful people and most of them didn’t have the language barrier going against them, living in Czech their whole lives. But still, you kept showing up.

You would say hello to me at breakfast, ask me about my family at lunch, and sit beside me at dinner. But you know me. I can’t ever tell when someone might actually have interest in me. So I played it off. I thought you were probably nice to all the girls because you are just such a nice guy.

But then, I shared my testimony with everyone. I showed myself at my most vulnerable and felt incredibly bare and weak. And then, you gave me a note. The first of many. You told me that I was strong, inspiring, beautiful. I never felt like I was any of those things before, and you helped me see them. My heart was full. Saying goodbye was hard, but you hugged me and told me that you would write. You gave me a heart necklace and told me it was yours. I still have your heart.

I checked the mailbox everyday. Even the day I got home but, how could a letter travel faster than me? When I got your letter, my heart beat so fast and I had butterflies. 

Your letter said that you would wait for me, that your heart was mine and that we were made for each other. But I turned you down. I told you that you flattered me but that long distance couldn’t work. Gosh, I am so stupid.

And I am even more stupid for thinking that you would still be waiting even after I told you not to. 

When I returned the following year and I met your Klara, I was physically ill. She is so lovely and she got to have you. You and your beautiful heart and warm letters and lovely smile. I was jealous and determined to hate her. But God works in mysterious ways because she became my best friend.  

And that’s why I am so stupid. I love her, and I would never want to hurt her. But it’s been a year, and you guys are over, and she found someone else, and I still love you.

I don’t want to wait or get over you because I don’t think I can.

Anyway, I am at the airport and I have no earthly idea what I am doing, but I’m coming. And Klara might hate me, and this might not work out, and you might not even want to see me, but I love you. 

Don’t call me back because I probably won’t get it, I’ll be in the air, and this call has already cost me a fortune.

But I’m coming, and I love you, and I have officially left you the most rambling message of all time.

But I love you.


Bye, Roman.