Confliction

Conflicting feelings, thoughts, ideas

Apologizing for being a burden
                                                 (even to myself)

I’m trying to teach myself that logically,
                                                                          I am not a burden
                                                                                                      Anyone who says so isn’t needed in my life

But after having these thoughts
                                                                                   For so long
                                                                                                                                    And so often   

There’s no treasure map or instructions,
                                                    Just a blank piece of paper saying
                                                                                                                Start from scratch’ 

How the hell do you start from scratch at 22 years old?
                                                                                                                                I don’t want to let go of everything 

I’m scared.

Will I ever truly be happy?
                                                    I’ve tried finding the happiness in the small things
                                                                                                                                                  Like my cat cleaning his toes

But it only lasts a second before being swallowed
                                                 Swallowed, not necessarily by sadness
                                                                                                                                                                   But from emptiness

Acceptance (Confliction Part 2)

I am so accepting of others,
When will it be time to accept myself? 

Breathing air into who I want to be,
and who I am...

I am not a burden.
I am allowed to take up space.

 My breath is full of love,
My heart is tender yet strong.  

It’s okay to start anew, 
Accepting myself for all of me

 And sure, there’s no map or instructions 
That’s why I listen to my heart,
Use my wise mind

 Allow myself to sit in the 
uncomfort, Allow myself to feel

 To be.
To exist
To survive.
I will thrive.