I have always said that “Taco Bell tastes like cat food” until my good friend Russell proved to me that this was not the case. When I was a middle schooler, I was a part of the weird group. We were the nerdy, socially-awkward kids that did not know how to act in public. We did a lot of weird things just to make people uncomfortable. Sometimes the laughs were worth it, and other days it was just a bad idea all around. Now, the idea to prove the quality of the rancid Taco Bell was not a shining moment for Russell.

During the summer between my 7th grade and 8th grade years, I found myself sitting with my friends Russell and Tanner debating the practicality of Batman. We had seemingly spent the summer attempting to convince Tanner that Batman was not only the most realistic, but also the most useful superhero. After a long debate and reaching nowhere as always, we decided to head to the local 711 which was attached to a Taco Bell. We planned on buying a few sodas and candy to fuel our spazzy middle school bodies.

During the walk, we soon started bickering about the merits of the local Taco Bell. Taco Bell had recently fallen from grace in my perspective, as they had served me a quesadilla with raw meat. To me, the food was no better than the vile slop we feed cats. This statement would spark Russell to have an idea.

To prove that Taco Bell was not cat food he was prepared to take a mouth full of Fancy Feast.

To prove that Taco Bell was not cat food he was prepared to take a mouth full of Fancy Feast. We then decided that if he was going to do it than we had to weird someone out with the whole endeavor. So we chose the poor clerk at 7/11 as our victim. Now during middle school, we were not necessarily the nicest to this man. Russell had once shown up in a Batman costume and demanded him to tell us where Rachel was at. We would also give him weird stares and talk about sacrificing goats to Satan while around him. Needless to say, he thought that our group was a pack of nut jobs, and he would groan whenever we would show up.

We entered the store and quickly made our way to the back where they had a shelf full of cat and dog food. We were delighted to find that they had a selection of many different flavors of fancy feast. Russell quickly chose the turkey flavor as that seemed more appealing than the salmon slop. With confidence and no fear, Russell approached the storefront. As the transaction took place I noticed that the cashier seemed surprised that nothing weird was going on and that we were behaving. Once Russell was done paying he thanked the man, and then immediately ripped the lid off of the cat food can. Russell formed his hand into a scoop and filled it with the sewage-like substance. Liquid flowed through his hands leaving behind a pile of mush. Without any hesitation, he pulled his head back and shoved the entire scoop into his mouth. It was at that moment where Russell realized he had made a big mistake. The cashier and Russell sat there for what seemed like an eternity staring into each other’s eyes as the blood drained from both of their faces.

The cashier and Russell sat there for what seemed like an eternity staring into each other’s eyes as the blood drained from both of their faces.

The man behind the counters face began to distort as his eyes looked dead and his cheeks began to bloat. That was when I noticed that both Russell and Tanner had left. It was just me and this man in the store as he let vomit slip from his mouth. I didn’t stay very long.

I found Russell leaning over a trash can as the contents of his stomach, which were mixed with the rancid-smelling cat food, spilled into the trash can. Tanner lay on the ground behind him laughing so hard that he was crying. Once Russell had regained himself we left the scene of the crime. We decided that it might be best if we went to the local store instead of the gas station for our treats for the next few months. About a month after the event, we ate Taco Bell together. I still thought it was disgusting but I would not insult the meal knowing what Russell had gone through. To this day, I do not know what Russell hoped to prove by eating cat food. It didn’t make his most coveted meal of Taco Bell taste any better. I spoke with him recently about the events of that day. To this day he can still remember the taste and the feel of the turkey sludge running down his throat.

 

My name is Michael Romanowski and I come from the small town of Colorado. I currently attend Roosevelt High School while attending aims classes. Next year I will be attending Cornell University in Ithaca New York.