I’ve been on these meds since I have been 10. 

They keep adding new drugs, 

And I feel like I’m at war with my own mind. 

It’s an arms race and I’m not winning. 

The bullets of downers and the bombs of uppers. 

Deadly ammunition for a sick brain. 

New pills for new unwanted emotions, But are they truly unwanted? 

The overwhelming loneliness and emptiness, the flashbacks, and the mountains of nervousness energy. 

I may want to die but at least I understand that perfection isn’t reality. 

Not everyone who is drowning isn’t trying to swim. I’m just trying to swim but what if I want to drown. 

But here I am 8 years later taking them and not knowing who I truly am.