Sometimes, when I’m listening to a peppy song or watching a funny video, I think of you. On days when I’m feeling down, I long to turn to you. When I’m with my friends, you often are a topic that comes up in conversation. I still look at all of the drawings and drafts I told myself I wouldn’t touch again over a year ago.
Why did I leave you behind? You were there for me for so many years. I loved everything about you. You have been funny and cute since the beginning. Even the crappy first drafts. My first story, I miss you.
You were designed from bullshitting a bizarre idea and a whole lot of anime. Any unrealistic ideas and funny scenarios I ever thought of went into you. You pirated the spotlight from another story idea I was originally going to write. I didn’t give a shit and just had fun with you. Ideas came to me naturally and your first few silly drafts turned into over 30 chapters with a lot more planned for the future.
But something happened. Everything fell apart and went downhill. I couldn’t get people interested in you aside from my few friends I convinced to read my drafts. Only they felt the same love I did. The route you were taking was hundreds of pages too long to look appealing to any editor. My confidence fell apart. I began feeling the ultimate writer’s block. Trying to edit those beginning chapters and make you better became so frustrating. I had to walk away and start something new with a promise to return one day and bring you to completion.
Drafts and ideas have come and gone since then. I have fought writer’s block in attempt to create something grand. Why do you watch me from the shadows? Why do you grab my ankles and slow me down? Why do you sit on my shoulder and pull my hair? You make it so hard to write something serious. After all, serious was the only thing you weren’t. Don’t you know this is for your own good? I have to become better and stronger to turn you into everything you deserve. Stop haunting me and fighting my every move! I haven’t forgotten about you. In reality, I really miss you.
I can, to this day, name and describe the forty plus recurring characters including the pets that live within your pages by heart. A glance at your table of contents and I could recite the events that went down in any of those chapters. I still remember events within unwritten chapters that I had plans for.
Don’t think I don’t miss you for one moment. I hold you dear, like the spine of a book keeping its pages together. I feel a guilt for leaving you unfinished. Just wait a little longer. I will return on the promise I made. And until that day comes, I will miss you.
Bio: “Missing You” is a creative non-fiction love story between me and the main character of my first story. It’s the bittersweet feeling of loving something dearly, but have to let go of it in order to become stronger.